The Sober Rosé That Almost Fooled Me
If there's one thing motherhood has taught me, it's this: sometimes you want the vibe of wine without the consequences of actual wine. No hangovers. No questionable late-night texts.
No waking up wondering why you doordashed Taco Bell at midnight (and fell asleep in it). Just something pretty in a bottle that makes you feel like a grown-up for five minutes.
So for today's Monday Munchies, I cracked open something new:
Grüvi Bubbly Rosé — Alcohol-Free + Gluten-Free
$4.29 for a 9.3 fl oz bottle on Thrive Market
$36.99 for an 8-pack on Amazon
✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦
“The drink you deserve. ”
Alright, Grüvi, show me the magic.
I'll give it to them — this drink looks like the real deal.
The color? A perfect blush-pink rosé.
The bubbles? Light, sparkling, very romantic Pinterest aesthetic.
The smell? Light white grape cider, clean and fresh, honestly inviting.
If this drink were a person, it would be that girl who shows up to brunch with perfect hair and a subtle highlight glow. She at least looks like she has her life together.
Now here's where things got interesting. I don't drink anymore — I used to love Barefoot Moscato (cheap date energy, yes, I know), so I was hoping this would scratch that itch.
But in my brutally honest opinion?
This tastes like sparkling water in a rosé costume.
And I am not a sparkling water girl.
In fact, I once accidentally drank a whole bottle of sparkling water in Guatemala, thinking it was regular water… and I don't think I've emotionally recovered (I WAS THIRTEEN!). Betrayal never leaves the soul.
So, when did this taste like flavored carbonation instead of wine? My taste buds filed a complaint.
My husband (two years sober — I'm so proud of him it hurts) actually liked it.
He said it gave him the feeling of drinking, even if the taste didn't hold up forever.
That little ritual of holding something bubbly in a bottle? It triggered that old muscle memory in a good way.
He even thinks that if you're trying to quit drinking and need a replacement, this might actually help.
He compared it to a Smirnoff Strawberry Wine Cooler, which — respectfully — I do not co-sign. But of course, I still love him.
Yes, she's alcohol-free and gluten-free, which is honestly great if your stomach hates you or you're trying to avoid anything that derails your gut. The ingredient list is clean and straightforward, nothing weird hiding in there.
Ingredients: spring water, chardonnay grape juice concentrate, natural flavors, malic acid, tartaric acid, natural color, tannic acid, carbon dioxide.
Per 9.3 fl oz bottle:
60 calories
0g fat
0mg cholesterol
0mg sodium
14g carbs
13g sugar
0.5g protein
Pretty standard for a grape-based beverage, with no gluten, no alcohol, and nothing artificial screaming at you.
IMBHO?
If you're looking for:
A sober-friendly option
A wine alternative for early sobriety
Something pretty, pink, bubbly, gluten-free, and vibey
→ This could absolutely be a fit.
If you're looking for:
Wine flavor
Sweetness
Anything close to Moscato
→ Save yourself the heartbreak.
To me, it was a no.
To my husband? A yes.
To your taste buds? Who knows. Life's an adventure.
But hey — it photographs beautifully, and sometimes that's half the fun.
IMBHO- Maybe.
